
free270
- November 22nd, 22:59
and the thing that pisses me off the most about sheldon, is the fact that she has
a serious problem with lying.
i dont like liars.
and i dont like people who thinks they can run the shit on me, and it not ever be
seen (cause trust me....its all just a matter of time before every fuckin lie that
anyone ever fuckin tells will catch upto them).
and more then that....it fuckin hurts. cause when i see someone lying to me, it
makes me think that they dont think much of me, and to do it continuously, is
to really show me how you dont think nothin of me ya know?
and i'm tired of the fuckin lies!
there is no fuckin since in it.
and its over the stupidest fuckin shit at that too!
i mean fuck, what kind of a relationship does anyone have if the shit is being
nothing but fuckin lies ya know?
but that is my number one thing that has me pissed off at sheldon more then anything
right now.
like i said...i've been too damn good to her to have all this shit happening, and
i dont fuckin have to stay in the shit either.
i can walk away with a clear conscience real damn easy now knowin in my heart of
hearts, that i cared for her, loved her, did as jesus would want me to do and help
a single mother out so that she doesnt end up homeless, and have no fuckin problem
with it at all seriously.........
i did what i did because i wanted to, and with no strings attached, but as far
as i'm concerned, i've done my part to where i dont have to keep hangin around
there and keepin myself in fuckin debt for someone who wants to do me wrong
and feed me lies and try to run shit on me and take me for this and that ya know?
and i think that message was shannon from kerie's phone too after thinkin on it too
cause it was worded "how in the morning". kerie dont normally say goodmorning to me
like that, and i just seen i had two voice mails from shannon who i left messages
with yesterday and all i got was her voice mail.
like i mentioned before...the holidays are not exactly easy for me since they were
the last one's i spent with my mom before she died, and i dont need all the fuckin
bullshit from anyone. and i'm not gonna waste my time in the fuckin bullshit either.
i presently am lookin at things bein tied up to just break even come first week of
march.
you think i need to keep myself in a bigger hole for someone whose gonna do me like
i've been bein done?
i dont think so. and that dont mean that i dont love her and care about her and
want her to be happy and shit too. see, people dont get that shit i guess or
somethin, but i've learnt livin a few days, that you can love someone and care
about them and not put yourself out there if all there gonna do is feed you lies
and hurt ya you know?
i mean, i think this stuff with my own blood family has seriously had some stuff
goin on in me that i aint sure how to word it and all that, but when it came
to kerie and her situation, i knew what it was like to need someone and not have
someone there whether it be your own family or anyone else.
and she had her mom there to the extent of lettin her stay there, while other
times she was saying her mom wouldnt let her stay there, and i know one time her
mom couldnt even believe she told me that she couldnt when talkn to her too, and
its hard when your use to livin in your own apartment and lose that and have
to even go there ya know? and in my case, i dont think my family would ever take
me in cause straight up, my mom isnt alive.
and my dad has his personal problems with me, and everyone has ran it to this step
mom of mine, and honestly there all happy in there own little clique and think
they know me so well and all this crap, and honestly, i'm just tired of people
makin me feel bad all the fuckin time ya know?
i'm tired of people who wants to make me feel bad, people who would rather live
in lies verses the truth, people who fuckin twists shit that gets said, adds
shit that isnt even said, fuckin gossiping, fuckin noseyasses, fuckin people
who cant just love and treat there neighbor like they wanna be loved and
treated, family that thinks that when there kid turns a certain age, that
there kid is no longer there family and truthfully just worries about
there own fuckin material shit more then there own flesh and blood. parents
who dont want to watch there kids. expects others to watch them. looks to
blame others for there lousy parenting. fuckin liars. fuckin players who
wants to run game on ya. fuckin assholes who cant treat someone with some
fuckin respect, and wants to think there all that, and truthfully needs
to fuckin hold up a mirror and look really hard at themself, cause if they
do, they'll see they aint no better then the next person. fuckin people
who thinks money is all that fuckin matters and material shit verses peoples
fuckin lives. people who wants to try to play god of this world and expect
people to have to be how they want and speak like they speak and dress like
they dress, and do like they do............
people who aint got a fuckin life and cause they dont, has to make it there
fuckin mission to do all they can to ruin someone elses fuckin life.
i'm just fuckin tired of everything and all the shit.
straight up....i'm gonna get me a case of 80 proof, and drink up, and work
on this financial shit, and then work to save to move out of here and this
fucked up county for real.
i feel for those who aint fucked up in this county too and who knows how
to love and treat someone like they wanna be loved and treated, and if they
aint sure about somethin, can at least have the balls to ask someone ya know?
but this place is seriously fucked up with people who would rather live in lies
and bullshit and stick there nose in peoples lives and dick with them havin
a roof over there head and so much fuckin shit....i'm fuckin tired of it, and
do have every intention of tryin to put shit together after i get things
straightened out from helpin kerie, to move somewhere else, and it wont be
in this county.
thats a truth!
as for sheldon, she gonna have to look at her own situation i guess and look
at what she wants to be about, and who she wants to be with, and all that, but
she's got her roof over her head, and she's got her little boy toys, and they
got a job, and if she can fuckin sleep with them and fuck there brains out, then
she can let them help her deal with the other shit as far as i'm concerned.
and that dont mean i dont love her either, cause i'm gonna always love her as
i've said before, but thats where i stand, and the thing that pisses me off
the most is the damn lies, and honestly, that shit goes on when she gets around
others and this fuckin dicks, and when she aint got all these others around and
shit, then she's really good to me and shit too. but i've had my fill of shit
right now, and the lies and the bullshit, and i have no regret or shame in
pullin back to deal with my own situation and not be where people makes me
feel bad and plays that shit ya know?
she's got the roof over her head, she's got people she fucks in bed and sleeps
with who has a job and can help her out, and she tells me how she just uses
them for sex and all this, but straight up, i didnt sign on to finance her
shit like couple when truth is, were not a couple ya know?
i signed on to help her get her shit out and not lose it, and her get an
apartment.
and i bought her a storage shed not to lose it. i just got thru payin the
second month for it on the 17th of november to keep from her losing it as
well as givin her money for the rent/stuff, and she got people to help her
with gettin her utilities on, and she had a guy name kenny showin up here
gettin her bed haulin it, and she's got johnny whose ran his mouth about
how his friend nate owns the paperwork on a truck that jakes sister has,
and can get the truck to do that (as they used it to haul her stuff off
from here in it.)
but i had shit lined up, and people wanted to start with the lying shit
and all again and i've done lost shit in this stuff too like some leather
fringe chaps and shit, and she went and pawned stuff and has been blowing
that, and then she wanted to play the lets ignore calls shit, and leave
someone hangin high and dry, and its like "flip".....
anyways....thats where i'm at with the shit, and its the lying that pisses me
off the most. and if thats what shit has to be when she gets around others,
then let others deal with the shit, and i'm fuckin gone ya know?
simple as that....and thats where i am right now....
and its the first time i've done this and have put my foot down i understand
too like i have verses always bein there for her to rely on and depend on, but
truth is....i cant rely on her for a damn thing. i get her car up and runnin
after shit goes south supposidly with her gettin her money and all, and when
she gets her car up and runnin, does she care to think i may need to do shit?
or care about my situation? hell no...i'm havin to pay nell cash the following
payday to take me places.
i fuckin spend my last 22 bucks for her to get what tire work on her car after
the starter was put on that could be done cause she had chrome plated wheels
that were chipping and crap and causin air to escape around the wheels, and
a nail in her tire, and that sucked down every bit of the 22 bucks i had, and
she still had another screw in the one tire as well.
but i told her....if i put this down here on these tires, this is my weeks
grocery money til my foodstamps comes in...are you gonna cover me for food
for a week? she says yeah. her definition of a weeks groceries was a loaf
of bread, package of cheese, and package of bologna.......
which truthfully, since she didnt care before that, i had done barrowed bread
and bologna off of mrs basham til i could square her up with it.
but like i told her recently........i cant rely on you for crap!
again..i love her...i know i'm twice her age..i know she says she's straight
and all this.....but its like "ding ding....you expect me to be here for
you like a couple too....whether its buy me this at the store, or that....
ya knew that you had to have money to get in, and sell some of your stuff
to the pawn shop and then blow it on runnin around chasin this boy toy
and that boy toy and spendin 160 bucks on stuff for the kids (which i dont
blame someone for not wantin to get there kids stuff that needs it and all),
but when your needin a roof over your head first....its like "duhhhh you
need to worry about that more then the other ya know?" *but i think its
all more of how she depended and counted on me to carry the weight too.
i got little courtney a bike that was the best they had, and i know that
kid had plenty of toys, and the the one whose birthday she was seein in
louisville was her son (and i was bouncing checks to get her gas money
for goin to see her son on his birthday), and then heard how she had
this other money bein spent, and i'm like just shakin my head cause
its like i can see where she's been runnin this crap and all ya know?
and its not so much about the money that gets to me. its the fact that
she thinks she can play me, lie to me, and run this shit....and then
expects me to be there and take all this other shit, and like i said....
i know this shit is gonna be a first for her to see when it comes to me,
but i'm standing my ground with it.
and if anything, i hope she'll learn from it, cause i'm sure she'll miss
havin some shit go like it did, and i'm sure its gonna put her in a place
where even though she dont wanna have to depend on those she fucks in bed
for shit, she is gonna probably have to do just that if she wants there
help in the matter, and whether she comes around me again or not is her
call too, but there aint nothin about how she's done me that has been
like people thinks, or cool for that matter (while i had some warning
me and shit too), but seriously....i still dont regret it. cause it did
help her and the kids, and the worse situation is she's gonna lose her
stuff in that storage shed if she dont take it out of there, but i know
she will find a way to do that before it gets to that point too, but she's
gonna learn to either treat my ass better and stop with this bullshit, or
she's gonna lose someone who truly cared about her and did her right
but her lies and bullshit was more important ya know?
but thats the shit that pisses me off the most. that damn lying of hers.
and her runnin shit playin someone. and this guy she's with is all about
that shit too. johnny cline. mr game. i'm glad he finally got a job
and shit. but kerie also has this shit that pisses me off too called bein
around dicks who has done me wrong, and havin no problem fuckin them even
after they did her friend wrong ya know? and thats a separate issue all
in itself too. i mean, if you had some dick doin your asses wrong and shit...
and then you see them choosing to go fuck them and feed them and keep
them layed up in your crib, seriously....hows that shit gonna make you feel
ya know? *like you dont fuckin mean shit, and that whats between there
fuckin legs is more important then your damn friendship or whatever right???*
well...thats been part of the shit i've been dealin with since knowing
kerie too.
and its fucked up. especially when they aint done shit for helpin ya out
to boot and instead just sucked up all they could from ya while hittin it
ya know?
but i've been seein all this shit, and honestly, i was tryin to enjoy the
good verses dwellin on all this other shit, but now its at a place where
i'm tierd of seein the same shit ya know? so i pulled out and said fuck
it, and i'm gonna let her and those she's fuckin deal with the shit in
storage, and i'm gonna get me a case of 80 proof and square duck up, and
get a little eats, and try to have some liquid spirits for the holidays
verses people lyin to me, playin me, all the damn drama, and takin me
for granted.
if she wants me to to help her out like a couple, then she best just
get ready to put all them damn dicks out once and for all too, cause
my days of dealin with things like were a couple is over until we are
actually a couple ya know what i'm sayin?
*free nods*
anyways....whether i see her again or not, i wish her the best. dont
wish no ill will or harm to come to her or tne kids, and appreciate
anyone who can keep her ass out of trouble cause i swear that shit
is not somethin i would like to see her have ya know? and i will
always love her whether i see her again near or far. friend or more.
always and forever just as i do amy.
the shit with me was unconditional. she dont owe me shit seriously.
i dont want her to give me anything. i didnt do shit for her to pay
me back. but its time that things be where they need to be too, and
its time someone understands that i dont have to be in situations if
they cant treat me right, and if they wanna be a couple, then they
best start thinkin about that and what they really want too, cause
i aint spendin my life to do shit as a couple with someone that i'm
not a couple with ya know?
and she knows i have no problem with treatin someone good if i am with
them too.
and i really dont.
but i'm gonna try to salvage what i can of the holidays, have me some
mental break, and holiday spirits and try not to drown in all this crap
of stuff goin on with her, and others givin me lease violations sayin people
were my guests that wasnt, and actin like i was out bein loud and shit
when it was josh and them moving out, and people just wantin to bring
all this fuckin shit at me while tryin to deal with my mom not bein here
and a step mother who ran her mouth tellin me how there's not gonna be
no christmas except for my sisters kid PERIOD! *which truthfully, if there
was never gonna be a christmas, i'm sure it wasnt gonna be on my blood
moms watch...........but what the fuck ever ya know??? i done said my
goodbye to my dad, and she's throwed up how he dont even talk to me in
my face tryin to make me feel bad and shit and twisted shit i said, and
i'm fuckin done with it all to where trust me.....toasting my mom a good
drink while listenin to some music wishing her a merry christmas sounds
much fuckin better as well as not havin to think about all this other
shit ya know?*
*free says "i love ya mom....almost thanksgiving...hope ya have a good one up
there in heaven, and will be thinkin about ya"*
life is so damn short, and why people has to be so damn stupid is beyond me...
but anyways...i'm gonna go make me another cup of coffee. thats what pisses
me off the most about sheldon, and where i'm at with shit.
Free Out